6 Things I Wish My Doctor Understood About Pregnancy After A Loss

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1. This isn’t easy:  This is going to be the second hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.  I feel personally responsible for this babies survival. I’m no longer blissfully ignorant and am now not only aware that I could lose this baby in the way I lost my last, but I am more acutely aware of the hundreds of other ways this pregnancy can go wrong. I worry about them constantly.

2. I’m willing to do whatever it takes:  If it means standing on my head for nine months, coming in every week for tests, possibly unnecessary procedures, or spending most of my pregnancy in the hospital.  Don’t be afraid to take extreme measures because I’m not.  I understand that this pregnancy is temporary but losing a child stays with you forever.

3.  I’m not afraid of the costs.  Do whatever we have to do to make sure this baby is OK regardless of costs. I assure you my deductible is less than the amount of another funeral.

4. A lot of this pregnancy is treating the anxiety:  I know that everything will probably be OK, but that doesn’t mean that my brain understands that.  If I need to come in every day to hear the babies heartbeat on the doppler or get an extra ultrasound to ease my fears, please be willing to do that even if it isn’t medically necessary. Treating my anxiety is just as important as treating the baby and I’s health. They go hand in hand.

5. I’m terrified:  This goes along with my last point.  I went through something extremely traumatic.  I realize you see it often but you haven’t personally experienced what I went through after I left the hospital. You’ve never taken apart an unused crib. I may even have some PTSD that’s resurfacing with this pregnancy.  Please be kind and patient with me as we go through this journey together.

6. I don’t have a lot of support:  There are very few people who understand exactly how I’m feeling. You may be the only other person other than my husband that I feel I can talk to about my feelings and concerns.  Please take the extra time to listen to me and try to be understanding.  Maybe you can find something you can do to help lessen my fears.

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