I knew it was bound to happen, and I knew I’d be a mess. However I didn’t expect his first cold to come one week after an ENT diagnosed him with and airway defect and informed me a cold could lead to hospitalization.
My seven week adjusted, eleven pound babe woke up four days later with a fever of 101 and an awful cough. I panicked and called the on call doctor at 2 am. He assured me unless the baby was blue we were OK. I stayed up for the next 6 hours staring at him sleeping trying to assure myself that we were going to survive this. When we visited the pediatrician the next morning he of course smiled and talked to her and didn’t cough once. He has a vendetta to make me look crazy. I left skeptical but reassured. He then proceeded to cough and gag the entire forty minute drive home causing me to pull over multiple times to make sure he was breathing.
We rode it out for another day before I started to panic again. His chest was retracting, he was still running a fever, and sounded like a pertussis commercial. I had convinced myself he was dying. I waited for my husband to get home and then took him to the ER. They asked if I was a first time mom. I felt like no one was taking us seriously. The very handsome, looked like he stepped out of a Grey’s Anatomy episode, doctor finally ran a bunch of tests, They checked him for RSV, Flu, and pneumonia.
Sure enough they all come back negative and for one I looked like an over worried mother, and two I put my baby through medical torture to ease my mind. I’m now beating myself up with mommy guilt.
I’ve always trusted my gut and it’s rarely been wrong but I now apparently have to learn to decipher what’s my gut and what is just my anxiety. Being a preemie mom is tough. I need to work on trusting that he’s a strong little boy and to stop over analyzing. I especially need to stay off Dr. Google. Now I’m not saying that I shouldn’t be cautious but I need to find the line between cautious and crazy.